Where: My brother’s rooftop in BK. When: Last Friday.
So below is a poem I wrote for my Seminar in Literature & Writing class. We’ve been reading the work of poets Jane Kenyon and William Carlos Williams. The assignment (at least what I chose to do) was to write a poem, then to rewrite with an eye toward the editorial voice of either JK or WCW; I chose JK. Below are both versions. Which one do you like best?
Rooftop in Brooklyn
Blackbirds sluice the sky
as one
circling Brooklyn rooftops.
Cigarette smoke divides us
as I stand
belly full under a rosé-tinged sky
inviting evening in.
A nap beckons.
The birds,
now divided
still dip and swoop
in tandem,
while a ghetto-bird *trundles forward
to the blackbirds’ left.
The wind is picking up now.
The trees chatter in the breeze.
Sirens shrill in the distance.
Somewhere a train screams to a stop.
I crush cigarette under sandal.
Casting a final glance,
over Brooklyn rooftops,
while the blackbirds continue
their cylindrical ascent.
* helicopter
Rooftop in Brooklyn-Kenyon edit
Blackbirds sluice the sky
as one
circling chimney studded rooftops.
A veil of cigarette smoke separates us…
I stand belly full under a bruised rose petal sky
beckoning evening.
I long to take to my bed.
It is too early yet.
The birds,
now divided,
continue to dance
in tandem,
dipping, swooping, arcing.
A mechanical dragonfly
nudges the clouds to the left.
The wind is picking up now.
Trees sway and bend in the breeze,
leaves brush together
creating a sonic trick;
is that the sound of the ocean
trapped in a sea shell?
Somewhere in the distance
sirens slice the early evening air,
a train screeches to a halt.
Gathering sweater about neck,
I survey the scene…
Blackbirds continue
their cylindrical ascent
over Brooklyn rooftops
now capped
with an oyster-shelled sky.
