Nasty Girls!

So the picture above is my Mad Men moment, using whiskey to wind down and warm up cause it’s seriously cold outside for the first time all winter. Thanks to Johnny Walker Black and an ice cube (I’m a wimp), I can now share with you my query of the day: in the workplace, which I assume is a small microcosm of the world, why is it that I’m starting to take a decidedly negative point-of-view of other womenfolk? Let me explain, and before I do so let me also provide this disclaimer, what I’m about to share with you might make you retch and taste a little bile, hopefully that doesn’t dissuade you from reading further! Now back to the lecture at hand, so on my first day back to work after almost a week off, I was refreshed and ready to tackle my to-do list. I actually remained refreshed until about two hours in when my bladder had enough and I had to hustle to the restroom. Of course upon kicking in the door of one stall, yes I said kick in and that is what I tend to do, anyhow I kicked in the bathroom stall and was greeted with a plethora of skid marks all up in the toilet bowl and an abandoned slip of used toilet paper. Now why we all have no problem looking directly in the toilet after dropping a bomb but shudder at the sight of someone else’s business left unattended is one of life’s great mysteries, but for whatever reason we don’t want to share that with other people. Needless to say I was irrationally irritated and vented about how there’s some dirty chick running around shaking hands with people and possibly managing a team that can’t manage to flush the toilet twice to get rid of stubborn skid marks. Uggghhhhh, not to be outdone by Little Miss Skid Marks, I also experienced the other side of the coin of dirty females, Little Miss Impressionist who likes to leave freaking blood driplets on the floor like she’s creating some kind of art project. Any man reading this is probably retching right now, well get over it! We don’t enjoy the sight of it either and it’s especially nauseating when someone leaves evidence of their ‘condition’ on the toilet seat or on the floor. I swear my mother damn near beat it into my sister and I that nobody needs to know what you are experiencing at that special time of the month. Any woman knows that shit happens sometimes and it’s not your fault…what is your fault is not being vigilant and looking behind you when you go to flush. You know I mistakenly assume that all women have been taught the same thing; what worries me is all the evidence to the contrary that I see at my workplace. Ladies, it is not cute to just look cute and dress well, you have to have manners, a lady should always check behind herself in the bathroom. If you live alone and don’t give a damn about skid marks or a blood-dripped toilet seat that looks like an attempt at pointillism then that’s great, just don’t invite me over, it will make me question your character.

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