My First Grey Hair

So I wanted to share a ground-breaking moment that just happened for me and many others before me…drum roll…I found my first grey hair! I’ve been obnoxiously happy that up to now at the ripe age of 36 I have never had a grey hair anywhere, well now I can no longer revel in this former fact. So where did my grey hair appear? On my eyebrow! Right smack dab on my right eyebrow. I was chilling in my favorite chair with ottoman (this is a recurring theme, have you noticed?), feet were kicked up, head thrown back, floor lamp on full-blast, tweezers in hand with my little mirror held up close just tryna groom myself when I saw a flash of grey, like those random silver fish that pop up in bathtubs sometimes and then disappear just as quickly. I actually gasped at the sight then figured I must be hallucinating since everyone else I know with grey either have it on their heads, sprinkles in their beards, or the piece de resistance-their hair down there… Well turns out I wasn’t imagining things, that grey hair is very real and I refrained from plucking it for fear of inviting some of its friends to the area. Truth is I’m not upset over it, although I will be if my eyebrows go white in the next year, then I’ll have a problem, but for now one grey hair is not going to mess me up.

While we’re on the topic I do have to say one of my getting older phobias is grey hair in the nether region. Like Samantha so famously said on an episode of Sex and the City -when she tried to grow out her pubic hair for her boyfriend, discovered a grey then dyed it Homie-the-Clown red- “no one wants to fuck grandma’s pussy”. As crass as that looks in writing I remember laughing so hard because that’s real. I betcha my calm reaction to my single grey eyebrow hair would be a whole different story if while drying off I discovered a grey in the nether regions. I’ve taken an informal survey with some of the many 30 and 40 something year old women I know just to see if they’ve had grey pop up, most say yes, I go one step further and ask where, if they say in their pubes, I go still another step further and ask if it’s just a random strand or full-on grey. I’ve heard everything from several strands, the single strand that was quickly plucked, down to what one woman described as a “skunk patch”-I geeked off that one, like nahhhh, but she confirmed yep! I asked if she ever experienced any resistance from would-be suitors and she said and I quote “girl please-they don’t care!” So there you go, along with the rice krispie sound that happens when I get up after sitting somewhere for awhile, the now quick intoxication that happens after 2 martinis, and a grey eyebrow hair, it is now official I’m not in my 20s anymore.