Lip-gloss on a Pig

Director of First Impressions as a job title, what do you think that is? I really wish my blog had a live interactive environment right now so I could get some good virtual banter going to first see what images this conjures and then do the ‘big reveal’. Since that’s not how this blog is set-up I just have to ask you to share your first thoughts about that job title. It turns out Director of First Impressions is code for receptionist, insert blank face. I was immediately insulted when I saw the job title and it actually looked like this: Director of First Impressions (receptionist). I mean dayum the punch line wasn’t even further down the page in the body of the job description. It was just like here’s the fantasy title Director: ‘that’s right my precious, think that you are in a high-powered position that will enhance your professional experience’ and then immediately following, receptionist: you get a swift uppercut to your pride as you realize you just got served by a damn job title not even by someone you can pinpoint, you might as well wear an ‘I’m with stupid’ t-shirt and make sure the arrow is pointing to self.

I’m a very straight-forward individual and I absolutely despise when people try to dress up bullshit, Judge Judy says it the best, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.” All that job title does is let me know the pay will be excessively low and management won’t have an ounce of respect for me. Can you imagine being at a party and someone asking a partygoer the obnoxious, ‘So what do you do?’ question and they actually part their lips to say, ‘I’m the Director of First Impressions…’ This is one of those moments when I’d want to channel the old me, the mean girl with no filter, and be like ‘bitch is you crazy?’ Alas, I’ve been watered down as I’ve gotten older…not to say that running ignorant comments through your head before letting it spill off your lips is bad buuuut having more of a moral compass takes some satisfaction out of my conversations. Look, I know times are rough and jobs are hard to come by, which is why it’s even more important to keep it real with potential employees. I’d prefer the title receptionist, then I know exactly what I’m doing and can guess the pay will be low, the job will be monotonous, but I know what I’m getting myself into and I’m good with it. Remember that chick Sarah Palin always saying something like, “You can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still pig”? Well that’s the one and only thing she said that I agree with, although I would prefer the pig use lip gloss, and that phrase perfectly illustrates why Director of First Impressions as a job title is some bogus bullshit.

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